Mid 20's Life Crisis

I am the happiest I have been in a long time, I have been working on piecing myself back together and believe that positive thinking leads to a more positive person. 

To help me get through this was my friends. I honestly don't know what I would have done without such a great supportive network around me... My Army I call them. 

The funny thing is, throughout the last year we have all had or currently experiencing what seems to be a mid-20s life crisis. 

The first to kick it off was one of my very best friends when she told me she no longer wanted to be with her boyfriend of 6 years whom she shared a mortgage and children with. It was a total shocker, for me that was the dream, the house the kids etc. But she had just sadly fallen out of love with him. 

Secondly, there was my friend who had been in a simar situation to myself with the Lobster. She escaped to Ibiza one summer where she met her boyfriend, who then took her back to Ibiza five years later to propose... Her first words were 'Do I have to wear it (the ring) everyday?' Of course she said yes, but a few months down the line she too had also called it off. 

Thirdly, it's my old school friend who has been with her boyfriend for a few years, this year they were meant to be saving for a mortgage but she is having serious second thoughts and is currently in limbo with ending it all. (Update... I think she has bit the bullet today). 

Now don't get me wrong or think of me selfish when I say I am loving spending more time with these ladies now they're single. The last few weeks we have had so much fun together. 

It is ironic, when there were times only a short while ago that I desperately envied what they had. These boyfriends were 'good' boyfriends, they were decent boys who treated them well, but it appears the grass is not always greener on the other side and I am glad that we can now encounter and go through these single girl life trials and tribulations together. 

I have heard and seen far too many horror stories, of couples who settled together... They reach around 30 and realise it's not what they want. Life is far too short, that's why for now I am happy to be livin' it up with my single girls having as much fun as we can. 

Who gives a stuff what society thinks? Xoxo 

Find Your Base

I'm feeling rather loved and blessed after this weekend. 

I am still healing and there are still days when I feel emotional.... But I have to admit my friends have been bloody fabulous, supportive and kind and I am so greatful for that.

Especially when one of my oldest friends tells me she saw The Lobster at a wedding over the weekend with his new girlfriend and gave him a piece of her mind. Of course he tried to defend himself and acted sheepish, but even he admitted it was wrong and nasty what he said and he knows he needs to apologise. However I doubt he will ever actually grow some balls and do it. He then apparently kept his distance at the small venue for the rest of the evening.

It felt good to know people have my back. 

I'm lucky that I have many different groups of friends, work, school, college etc all from different walks of life but all equally special and important  to me. 

Recently I have reconnected with one of my very best friends from school. We were inseparable for several years but drifted when we left school. Sometimes it's good reconnecting with old friends, those who knew everything about you, the good, the bad and the ugly, and will still stick by you even if you haven't seen them for years. Those who still hate a person that wronged you that you yourself had forgotten, that's  when you know they have your back.

It's like going back to base. The ones that knew me before the hurt and drama with lobster and will stick with me in the future too. 

Base is where you were before you got lost and caught up in this crazy thing called life.

A base can be a place, a person or a thing. For me it's these old friends. I might not see them that often, but they're my base. They remind of who I used to be, and make me feel good about who I am now. 

 

Like Carrie Bradshaw said, 'Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates, and guys are just people to have fun with.' Right now, I couldn't agree more. 

Im'a do me.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently and have given up on the dating scene for a while (whilst I 'find myself' *cringe*). 

Don't get me wrong... I've had offers but right now, and I don't mean to be dramatic when I say this but I'm working on piecing back together my little broken shattered heart.

 Plus I've been having so much fun with my friends, and working out (bootcamp, bike rides, and must recommend the nike training app) which I also find is a good to banish the blues.

 Nor do I actually fancy or like anyone, I'm sure I am Asexual. And being happily single has wayyy too many benefits. I'm far from lonely too... I fight to get alone time as it is. There's no room for a boyfriend or regular dater. 

However, it could also be due to the fact I have lost all faith in men. I even find bad traits and faults in the 'good ones'. 

I've decided I'm going to be totally selfish and do all the things I want to do this year. 

For any male that wins me over and I let you in then you don't know how lucky you are. Challenge yourself. ;) 

The Sixty Day Challenge

This week I had my last therapy session. It has left me feeling a lot more positive. 

Of course you can't change the way you feel overnight but it certainly helped me understand and accept my own feelings. 

To help me on my journey forward, there are two tricks I am using; 

Changing 'should' to 'could'. I have always prided myself on being an intelligent and smart woman, but when it came to the lobster I was pretty fucking stupid which is why I was so angry at myself... During therapy full of regret at I let myself get hurt so bad I kept saying 'I should have done this' 'I should have done that'. The therapist pointed out I should change 'should' to 'could'. Should is a very heavy word, it's full of regret and negative connotations, whereas could sounds more positive. 

The second trick is a 'Sixty Day Challenge' my friend told me it takes something silly like 14 days to gain a habbit but 60 days to break it. Therefore my sixty day challenge consists of waking up each morning looking in the mirror and telling myself 'I deserve better and I will get over this' and to stop looking at The Lobster on social media as I'm not helping myself here. 

It's tough but I'm going to try it. 

Setting My Moving On Goals

'What do you want to achieve from this?' my therapist replied to me during our first session last week when I asked how do I know when I have had enough. 

This made me think, there are several factors really; 

1 - To be able to control my emotions

 (I would hate to be an emotional mess if I ever do run into the lobster one day. I have too much pride to give anything away. I don't want him to know how much he has hurt me and how that has affected me)

2 - To stop dwelling on the past

3 - To just generally get over it and move on.  

So how do you achieve this? I am yet to figure it out, and hope we will work through on this in this weeks session. 

Last week we acknowledged a few things such as I never once mentioned the 'L' word. Love.  I am not sure if I ever was in 'love' with him. I would never say that word due to the fear of being rejected. But maybe I did?

I have also come to face the fact that, yes it really has hurt and upset me and that it is okay to feel this way. It is better to let it out rather than bury it. 

The final thing was that, I built him up to be this person that he wasn't and to sum it up I was potentially in love with a person that never existed. He is not the person I thought he was or made him out to be. 

I am intrigued to see how we move on from here now, and interested in what she has to say this week.

In other news, my tinder date blew me out. I wasn't too fussed, but still a little bit disappointed. 

I have also been spending time with my friend who has her own lobster situation with a bad apple. I can see myself in her and history repeating itself and she knows this too. 

The sad thing is watching her makes me miss my lobster, to see how happy and excited it makes her when she see's or speaks to him. 

I need some more dates. 

I'm in Therapy...

When I started the Single Girl's Diary Blog and Twitter  it was meant to be all the fun and exciting stories us Single Girls get up to, of course it is going to be a case of swings and round about's and there are moments that are not that fun. However recently, with revelations of The Lobster''s new relationship  emerging, I have been feeling rather sad and have noticed this in my posts too. 

The fact is, I don't want to be that person that sit's and dwells and obsesses about their ex and what could have been - So, I booked myself into therapy. 

A little dramatic? Maybe. I know therapy is big and considered the norm in the states, but I am not some high flying yank with issues. I am just a heartbroken girl from the London Suburbs trying to move on.

Scoff at this all you want, but I feel more positive already. (and I should bloody hope so for the amount it costs) Sometimes you just need that person to tell you what you are feeling is totally normal. 

So here's to moving on, along with a few self help books (The Rules Of Life by Richard Templar and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne have both been highly recommended to me) a Yoga trip to Ibiza (my spiritual homeland) and a few bottles of wine and great friends, I will get there. 

Also, did I mention, I have my first Tinder date tonight?

He has great stats from what I know, he went to Oxford University, and works as a PR Manager. 

Blog Post to follow on how it goes. Eeeek!!! 

The 'L' Word and How To Get Over It

"Don't drink wine, you only turn it into tears" someone once said.... Or in my case any form of Alcohol. 

So, I was out enjoying a few cocktails with the girls for one of their Birthdays last night, when we get a telephone call from our male friends saying they would like to come meet us. Mutual friends of The Lobster. Instantly I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach... is there just no escaping him?

This fear soon turned to anger when over the telephone they asked my friend that if I can forgive him, The Lobster will come too. 

Thankfully my friend had my back and told him outright NO! 

I can't believe the audacity of him, he knows he has done wrong but is still not man enough to apologise to me. 

As the drinks continued to flow so did the conversation... about him unfortunately. The drunken chats led to me in tears having a break down in the toilet. One of my good male friends (and a friend of his too) said 'Just admit it, you loved him didn't you'. 

It's something I have always denied, I would say it is more of an infatuation, but the fact that I am still hurting, that I cry at least 3 times a week, and can't get over it, then maybe I did love him in my own way. 

I don't think his friends understood why I was so angry and hurt, so I told them about the messages on Christmas Eve, and even they were shocked with his very best friend saying 'I've got the hump with him for how much he has upset you' which felt very sweet. 

I also thought I would throw in the fact that there were several occasions when he would cum in his pants whilst we was kissing... I mean I know I'm good, but really? Ultimate betrayal to embarrass him but I don't care. 

Back to the important issue.... How am I going to get over this? Yes, I am upset that he has his new silly little married girlfriend but the issue is still there has no been apology. 

I am going to give up waiting for an apology that will never come... If he can say things like that, he was never my friend to begin with. 

It all comes down to remembering your worth and praying that karma really is a bitch. 

Any self help tips out there on how to get over someone? Please send.