Am I a Drama Magnet?

When I returned back from travelling this summer, the one night stand from last summer got in touch (he was my get under to get over). We spoke briefly for a while after that one night, and I told him this was a strictly one night thing and there would be no rendezvous and he was happy with that. 

However, we got talking again when he got in touch, it was mainly him doing all the talking - I was not in the slight bit interested, still in holiday romance mood with the Australian. He was quite persistent, even though on many occasions I told him to 'Piss off and stop being a pest' but over time he has grown on me, he easy to talk to and actually quite funny. 

As mean as it is to say that, out of boredom I thought I would take his advances into consideration a little more, so I begun to respond. I told him all about my travels, the Australian, he told me he had split up with his girlfriend (who he was actually on a break with the night we slept together so it came as no surprise to hear they had broken up) and about girls he has been dating and talking to since. 

We got on. It was nice. So we started talking about meeting again.

He said he liked me because I am funny and no drama - it would be very much just about sex. He does not want a girlfriend and I am leaving the country in less than three months. 

After a few failed dates when we had planned to meet, he actually surprised me by turning up to my work whilst I was there and bought me a bar of my favourite chocolate. 

It is of course the most menial of tasks, but no one has done anything like that for me in a long time... If ever! So I was slightly impressed. 

We finally got a date in the diary for our second night stand, I went to his and it was actually really nice. The sex was pretty good, better than the first time, it wasn't awkward at all. I stayed over, we laughed,  we cuddled, he made me breakfast and dropped me to the station so I could make my way to work the next morning. 

It was all good, we spoke for the rest of the day - THEN - over the weekend, we are snap chatting away and he comments on my friends, inviting one over which was actually quite funny at first, then saying he would 'Princess her off' about another. 

Yes, it was funny at first but not when you keep going on about it when I only had sex with you two nights ago. 

It pissed me off. So I deleted his number for a little while, just to allow myself to cool down, but he picks up on it when he looks at WhatsApp to see my picture and last seen gone. 

I didn't even think boys looked at these things? We had a bicker, then Monday he ignores me all day, we spoke in the evening then he brings it up - He says he doesn't want any attachment, and that although I say the same according to him my reaction said something different, and that it's drama. 

Maybe I did react in the wrong way - but he always has been an annoying person and I tell him this all the time - I just thought it was another one of those things. 

I honestly thought he was just trying to test me, press my buttons to see how far he can push me and suss me out - and he has won. 

I told him he was wrong, and that I too am not into drama and that we should maybe leave it here.... All he replied was 'Agreed' and we have not spoken since. 

What has pissed me off more than anything is how much it has pissed me off - I was actually starting to like him - even though I know it can't go further because he doesn't want it to and I am leaving, he was growing on massively. And the fact he liked me because he said I was 'no drama' now he thinks I am drama - did I over react? I don't think so! 

I even had a little cry in the toilets today at work - I had forgotten how nice it was to spend the night with someone like I did with him - it has been ages since I have done that - this year I have had several love em and leave em nights  and I was good at the have sex, no feelings thing - so it has confused me into thinking that maybe I do want a relationship deep down (although not necessarily with him). 

So what if I am drama.... it has only served to remind me that I am human and do still have some feelings left after all. 

Oh yeah.... and that men are still all pricks. 

I'm Single... Get Me Out Of Here.

Urgh, it's like I take 10 steps forward and 11 back. 

Last week I attended an event in which I knew Lobster and married girl were attending so of course I rocked up looking fucking fabulous, air kissing and schmoozing with everyone without a care in the world. But it was all an act. 

Inside I felt on edge, nervous and shit. And it's left me in a crappy mood for the remainder of this week. Once the night was over I broke down, not because I still want him but because the things he did and said still affect and hurt me. He left me with no confidence, and although I put on a bloody good show I'm not 100% over it. I'm over him, just not the situation. 

So when I was crying (I blame the wine) all my good friends (male and female) were surrounding me trying to make me feel better, saying she hasn't got a patch on me (which I must admit is true) and saying how he's a looser, they're both disgusting for what they've done with their questionable morals and home wrecking ways. 

One friend who sat at the same table for a little while says the girl sat there openly taking about the fact she cheated on her husband with no shame. 

For someone that takes marriage and vows seriously I find this highly offensive whilst the looser sat there without a care in the world. Gross, just gross. 

What's bugging me is that she is befriending a lot of what I would call my friends. Of course it's going to happen, she's moved to this area and doesn't know anyone and I don't think she would have many friends left in her hometown either, but it's really pissed me off. Not that I'm going to let anyone know this fact. 

Tonight it came up on my newsfeed that they are going out with a few other couples whom I know. But I also know that nearly every single one of them boyfriends have cheated... Some not that long ago. So enjoy your night out pretending but we know the truth.

I know I sound really bitter, as I cry into my pizza sitting in on a Friday night, but I find it fucking sickening. I have no faith in love, or men at the moment and I think that breaks my heart more than anything else. 

I don't know where I'm going but I know it'll be fun...

The last month or so I have made some pretty spontaneous and drastic descisions. I don't know what's happened but I like it.

First the one night stand, then I quit my job, now I plan to go travelling. 

Life is too fucking short to be unhappy or stay in one place. 

I don't know where I am going, but I like the journey it's taking me on and I know it'll be fun. 

If you would have told me this time last year that I would be planning this I would have never believed you. I was trying so hard to be the perfect girl for someone who didn't care. 

I haven't been happy in my job for sometime so I handed in my notice, without anything lined up, I plan to temp until Christmas (although they are now begging me to stay, so I will see if we can negotiate a deal that would be worth me staying until the end of the year).

The last few months, travelling has started to look more appealing, and when a friend mentioned Thailand for New Year, the words "Fuck it, shall we not come back" were the first to cross my mind. Even if I end up doing it on my own, I feel it's something I have to do.

The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Breaking the news to my grandparents was the hardest, I haven't even booked a flight yet and my Grandad already looked like he was going to cry. Then my Mum helpfully explained "She hasn't got a boyfriend or anything here for her" Errrm, yeah thanks for reminding me Mother. 

But she's right, it's a now or never moment. I could stay here, settle for an ok job, carry on going to the same dead end places, with the same mundane people, save up for a car or to move out, the rest I would spend on getting so ridiculously drunk that I can't even remember my own name... Or I could go and see the world, experience new things and live to the fullest. Then come home and do all that boring settling down stuff. 

So here are some corny quotes that sum up my feelings right now; 

2013.... The Year of Break Ups.

2013 seems to have been a rocky year for everyone relationship wise in my friendship circle. 

There's me and my unhealthy and on/off disastrous relationship (if you could even call it that) with the Lobster. I am a million per cent not going back there after the Christmas Eve texts. I mean it this time. 

Then there's the friend who had the whirlwind romance with the control freak chav.... we all gladly let out a sigh of relief when that one didn't work out. 

And then the one that hit us all hard... This couple - and we all have these couples - was my rock. The ones who I secretly envied with their lovely home and children and families. Both were my best friends, I would often go round there to moan and cry about my own dysfunctional relationship. 'Why?' we call cried when we heard, but these things happen for a reason. 

But through all our up's and downs us girls have stuck together and it has taught us the grass is not always greener on the other side. 

Sometimes it's better to wait for the right relationship than being in the wrong one. 

So here's to the 2014... from the Smug Singeltons. 

Don't forget, it's not just us mere mortals that have experienced the pain of heartbreak this year.... See these celebrities who also split this year. 

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom 

It all happened very quickly but we did not see this one coming, with rumours of cheating and crack cocaine addictions... then 'that' video this just gets weirder. My heart goes out to Khloe, my favourite Kardashian. 

 Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

A little  boy with A LOT of growing up to do it appears. 

Kris and Bruce Jenner

One that didn't surprise us but still did not see it coming. 

 Rihanna and Chris Brown. Again. 

Another dysfunctional relationship.... Played out on social media for all to see. Someone as feisty as RiRi should not allow any man to treat her the way Brown did. 

 Mirander Kerr and Orlando Bloom

'The Rock Couple' you did not expect to split :( 

One Week Post Lobster

I am going to try to keep this blog anonymous as much as possible so I'll explain who the 'Lobster' is...

The Lobster is the one you always keep going back to (Phoebe Buffay in 'Friends' once used the expression referring to  to Ross and Rachel's relationship). 

Anyhow, the situation with my lobster has been going on for about five years. 

Five years where he has never wanted to commit, five years of your parents asking you whats going on and not being able to explain, five years of never knowing where you stand, five years without so much as a birthday card or Christmas present. Five years of give, give, give with little in return. 

To make things more awkward, lobster is in my friendship group which is why it has probably gone on so long. 

I / we have said we are going to stop this ridiculous situation on numerous occasions, but we always seem to end up back in bed together. And after five years I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I have allowed myself to be treated in such a way and let it happen time and time again. 

Dont get me wrong, I have a lot of love for the Lobster, but it is never going to be how I want or have daydreamed about. 

Even my friends don't take me seriously anymore when I tell them I'm putting a stop to it. 

Time for me to get out there... I want to meet husband material soon. 

Mid-twenties... Clocks ticking and all that. 

I have only cried once or twice this week which is good going for me. 

Let's see how long I can go without falling back in the Lobsters claws this time.