Monday, December 30, 2013

2013.... The Year of Break Ups.

2013 seems to have been a rocky year for everyone relationship wise in my friendship circle. 

There's me and my unhealthy and on/off disastrous relationship (if you could even call it that) with the Lobster. I am a million per cent not going back there after the Christmas Eve texts. I mean it this time. 

Then there's the friend who had the whirlwind romance with the control freak chav.... we all gladly let out a sigh of relief when that one didn't work out. 

And then the one that hit us all hard... This couple - and we all have these couples - was my rock. The ones who I secretly envied with their lovely home and children and families. Both were my best friends, I would often go round there to moan and cry about my own dysfunctional relationship. 'Why?' we call cried when we heard, but these things happen for a reason. 

But through all our up's and downs us girls have stuck together and it has taught us the grass is not always greener on the other side. 

Sometimes it's better to wait for the right relationship than being in the wrong one. 

So here's to the 2014... from the Smug Singeltons. 

Don't forget, it's not just us mere mortals that have experienced the pain of heartbreak this year.... See these celebrities who also split this year. 

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom 
It all happened very quickly but we did not see this one coming, with rumours of cheating and crack cocaine addictions... then 'that' video this just gets weirder. My heart goes out to Khloe, my favourite Kardashian. 

 Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez
A little  boy with A LOT of growing up to do it appears. 

Kris and Bruce Jenner
One that didn't surprise us but still did not see it coming. 

 Rihanna and Chris Brown. Again. 
Another dysfunctional relationship.... Played out on social media for all to see. Someone as feisty as RiRi should not allow any man to treat her the way Brown did. 

 Mirander Kerr and Orlando Bloom
'The Rock Couple' you did not expect to split :( 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Merry Fucking Christmas you PIG!

So I have explained in previous posts who the 'Lobster' is. 

Anyhow, Christmas is always an awkward time when you make the rounds of seeing people you don't really see, and seeing as we have the same friendship group I always knew it was going to be a tiny bit awkward. 

Do I look good enough? Am I acting cool enough about? Please don't let me make the mistake of ending up in bed with him again after a few drinks. 

What I didn't expect was this torrent of abuse and venom in exchange of words after we had seen each other on Christmas Eve which left me sobbing all of Christmas morning. 

After always defending him to friends for how he has treated me, I thought I would share to show what a disgusting, non-respecting pig of man he really is. Ergh.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Am I Booty Call?

I am absolutely awful at getting to know new people, but under the influence of alcohol I allowed my friend to set me up with a friend of hers whilst we were out. 

It ended in some drunk snogging (totally not me... I'm very much against PDA's) and swapping numbers. 
My friend says very good things about him, but he only texts me at weekends and at night when he is out which gives me the impression he is just after a 'booty call'.   

After five years of a similar situation with the Lobster I have no intentions of being played or treated like that again. 
Not unless it's me making the call. 

But going back to this guy, after stalking him on facebook I'm totes not bovs as I am not feeling him at all. 

I have a feeling I am going to remain single for quite some time. 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Crotchless Knicker Debate...

'He's not going to get better than you, you wore crotchless knickers and cooked him steak for fuck's sake' said one friend when I was getting tearful about The Lobster. 

'Darling, why didn't you just get a pair of Stella's (Stella McCartney) and cut a fucking hole in them' said another when I told her I had dressed up in a kinky crotchless set. 
(She works for a designer lingerie company so often gets me discount)

So it got me thinking... Crotchless Knickers are they a Yay or Nay?

They are obviously not for everyday, I love chilling out in my old cotton briefs with the elastic fraying round the edge.

It takes A LOT of guts to wear them too, but from my experience they were very well received.

However, it can be hard to distinguish the fine line between sexy and total slut when shopping for special underwear, so here I have selected my favourites.

(Please note that as I am single, I have unfortunately been unable to trial reactions for these products)


Delilah Set from Agent Provocateur; Bra £110, Thong £85, Waspie £145

Coco De Mer All Wrapped Up Silk Tie Knickers £75

Coco De Mer Belle Et Bonbon Bisoux Knicker £78

Juniper set from Agent Provocateur, Bra £85, Thong £65, Suspender £85

Ann Summers Seduction Crotchless Brief £10.00

Ann Summers Angel Skirted Crotchless Thong £16.00 

Friday, October 11, 2013

One Week Post Lobster

I am going to try to keep this blog anonymous as much as possible so I'll explain who the 'Lobster' is...

The Lobster is the one you always keep going back to (Phoebe Buffay in 'Friends' once used the expression referring to  to Ross and Rachel's relationship). 

Anyhow, the situation with my lobster has been going on for about five years. 
Five years where he has never wanted to commit, five years of your parents asking you whats going on and not being able to explain, five years of never knowing where you stand, five years without so much as a birthday card or Christmas present. Five years of give, give, give with little in return. 

To make things more awkward, lobster is in my friendship group which is why it has probably gone on so long. 

I / we have said we are going to stop this ridiculous situation on numerous occasions, but we always seem to end up back in bed together. And after five years I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I have allowed myself to be treated in such a way and let it happen time and time again. 
Dont get me wrong, I have a lot of love for the Lobster, but it is never going to be how I want or have daydreamed about. 

Even my friends don't take me seriously anymore when I tell them I'm putting a stop to it. 

Time for me to get out there... I want to meet husband material soon. 
Mid-twenties... Clocks ticking and all that. 

I have only cried once or twice this week which is good going for me. 
Let's see how long I can go without falling back in the Lobsters claws this time.