Sunday, March 30, 2014

Setting My Moving On Goals

'What do you want to achieve from this?' my therapist replied to me during our first session last week when I asked how do I know when I have had enough. 

This made me think, there are several factors really; 

1 - To be able to control my emotions
 (I would hate to be an emotional mess if I ever do run into the lobster one day. I have too much pride to give anything away. I don't want him to know how much he has hurt me and how that has affected me)

2 - To stop dwelling on the past

3 - To just generally get over it and move on.  

So how do you achieve this? I am yet to figure it out, and hope we will work through on this in this weeks session. 

Last week we acknowledged a few things such as I never once mentioned the 'L' word. Love.  I am not sure if I ever was in 'love' with him. I would never say that word due to the fear of being rejected. But maybe I did?
I have also come to face the fact that, yes it really has hurt and upset me and that it is okay to feel this way. It is better to let it out rather than bury it. 
The final thing was that, I built him up to be this person that he wasn't and to sum it up I was potentially in love with a person that never existed. He is not the person I thought he was or made him out to be. 

I am intrigued to see how we move on from here now, and interested in what she has to say this week.

In other news, my tinder date blew me out. I wasn't too fussed, but still a little bit disappointed. 
I have also been spending time with my friend who has her own lobster situation with a bad apple. I can see myself in her and history repeating itself and she knows this too. 
The sad thing is watching her makes me miss my lobster, to see how happy and excited it makes her when she see's or speaks to him. 

I need some more dates. 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I'm in Therapy...

When I started the Single Girl's Diary Blog and Twitter  it was meant to be all the fun and exciting stories us Single Girls get up to, of course it is going to be a case of swings and round about's and there are moments that are not that fun. However recently, with revelations of The Lobster''s new relationship  emerging, I have been feeling rather sad and have noticed this in my posts too. 

The fact is, I don't want to be that person that sit's and dwells and obsesses about their ex and what could have been - So, I booked myself into therapy. 

A little dramatic? Maybe. I know therapy is big and considered the norm in the states, but I am not some high flying yank with issues. I am just a heartbroken girl from the London Suburbs trying to move on.

Scoff at this all you want, but I feel more positive already. (and I should bloody hope so for the amount it costs) Sometimes you just need that person to tell you what you are feeling is totally normal. 

So here's to moving on, along with a few self help books (The Rules Of Life by Richard Templar and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne have both been highly recommended to me) a Yoga trip to Ibiza (my spiritual homeland) and a few bottles of wine and great friends, I will get there. 

Also, did I mention, I have my first Tinder date tonight?
He has great stats from what I know, he went to Oxford University, and works as a PR Manager. 
Blog Post to follow on how it goes. Eeeek!!! 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

The 'L' Word and How To Get Over It

"Don't drink wine, you only turn it into tears" someone once said.... Or in my case any form of Alcohol. 

So, I was out enjoying a few cocktails with the girls for one of their Birthdays last night, when we get a telephone call from our male friends saying they would like to come meet us. Mutual friends of The Lobster. Instantly I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach... is there just no escaping him?

This fear soon turned to anger when over the telephone they asked my friend that if I can forgive him, The Lobster will come too. 
Thankfully my friend had my back and told him outright NO! 

I can't believe the audacity of him, he knows he has done wrong but is still not man enough to apologise to me. 

As the drinks continued to flow so did the conversation... about him unfortunately. The drunken chats led to me in tears having a break down in the toilet. One of my good male friends (and a friend of his too) said 'Just admit it, you loved him didn't you'. 

It's something I have always denied, I would say it is more of an infatuation, but the fact that I am still hurting, that I cry at least 3 times a week, and can't get over it, then maybe I did love him in my own way. 

I don't think his friends understood why I was so angry and hurt, so I told them about the messages on Christmas Eve, and even they were shocked with his very best friend saying 'I've got the hump with him for how much he has upset you' which felt very sweet. 

I also thought I would throw in the fact that there were several occasions when he would cum in his pants whilst we was kissing... I mean I know I'm good, but really? Ultimate betrayal to embarrass him but I don't care. 

Back to the important issue.... How am I going to get over this? Yes, I am upset that he has his new silly little married girlfriend but the issue is still there has no been apology. 
I am going to give up waiting for an apology that will never come... If he can say things like that, he was never my friend to begin with. 

It all comes down to remembering your worth and praying that karma really is a bitch. 
Any self help tips out there on how to get over someone? Please send. 

Friday, March 14, 2014

Men.... Some Big Tinder No's

Admittedly I am new to the Tinder game, but already I have seen some huge no-no's. Some make me want to vomit in my mouth... here they are; 

1. - Selfies
NO NO NO! Boys... there is nothing cool about taking a picture of yourself in the mirror. Even worse if you have your top off. 

2. - Vests
Sorry, but I find boy's in vest's a huge turn off. I don't care if it's a holiday photo. Just don't do it. 

3. - Modelling Shots / Gym Pics
Even worse than the selfie... You just look like a cunt. 

4. - Your Name
I know it's not your fault and you had no say on what your parents named you, but if I don't like your name or can't imagine screaming it out in bed, I WILL swipe left. 

5. - Pictures with ex girlfriend / group of girls
Get over it. You are not Simon Cowell with your harem of girls around you. 

I Am Officially 'Dating'

So off I went on my date last week, a little nervous, and although I didn't really fancy him I had a lovely evening. 
He picked me up in a cab, held doors open and paid for everything. 

There were a few hiccups, he mentioned his ex in passing a few times, told me some things about his past I'd rather not know, and kept mentioning how skint  he was (sure way to make me feel awkward when the bill arrived) but to be honest because I wasn't that into him I was just enjoying the free dinner and cocktails. 

He want's to go out again, and has suggested some nice places so I am tempted to go just because I do like the place he suggested... Would that be leading him on?

Probably. But oh well. 

I also reluctantly downloaded Tinder after my friend convinced me, I'm not into casual hook-up's or one night stands so was a bit apprehensive as I have heard a few stories and assume that's all people go on there for... But I would say it's a huge confidence boost.

I have been talking to a few guys that seem 'decent' and have even swapped numbers with one. 

After so much upset the last year, I think its time I got back out there, even if it just to be wined and dined. 

As my younger, prettier and sometimes wiser sister told me 'At your age, you shouldn't waste time or settle for anyone, unless you can see yourself marrying them'

So I can now say I am officially dating until I find the one.... Because I'm not going to find him sitting at home watching Eastender's now am I? 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I Have A Date... A REAL LIFE DATE.

How can so much change within the space of a week?

I admit, I spent most of the day last Thursday crying when my worse fear's were confirmed that the lobster was seeing a married girl. Crying on the train to work, crying at my desk, crying on my lunch break. I didn't even pretend to hide it in the end. 

However, I feel it was for the best, I needed to cry the remainder of my feelings for him out, as by Friday I was a changed woman (I am not bi-polar. I swear) and ready to move on. 

Whilst out for city drinks Friday my friend convinced me to get Tinder, I have previously been dead against it but after playing around with it and getting quite a few matches, I'll say it is a confidence booster more than anything else. The conversation on there has been pretty dry. But whilst out, I began to look at men a little differently, as in checking them out which is so not me! 

Moving on to Saturday, I had my Godson's birthday and come early evening when the kids had all left / gone to bed the adults can begin to get tipsy and not get judged.
Some of us moved on the pub where my good friend informed me his friend likes me... I don't take compliments well and was unsure but with a little peer pressure from my friends we spoke throughout the night, swapped numbers and have been texting.... and the best bit.


So far I have only heard good things about him, he seems nice, texts everyday and sends the first text and wants to take me out. The Lobster never done anything nice for me.... (I think it will be a while till I stop making comparisons) 
I am not sure if I really fancy him yet, but I am giving it a chance, which I never normally do. 

I am officially on my way to moving on and feeling positive about it. 

Now.... What to wear????