Independent Woman

'All my women who independent, throw your hands up at me' - I'm sure I'm not the only one who spent their teen years singing along to this Destiny's Child song along with the rest of the 'Writings on the wall' album which was all about strong women and not relying on a man.... But what happens when you become too independent? Or too used to being on your own? 

I love my little life, my little bubble. I've recently been talking to a guy, a friend of a friend (we plan to meet up for a drink this Friday) he seems like a good one, funny, quite good looking, texts me first etc etc....

However, this is where I get freaked out. He's not a bug-a-boo at all.... Yet anyway. But he will text me most days, general chit chat, and he calls too. 

There's nothing wrong this I know, it's nice. But I feel I have got so used to be being on my own and not having to reply or answer to people that I start to ignore him, I don't mean to do it on purpose and I don't want to loose him before I've even got him but I'm finding it hard. 

All my friends have told me I need to be more accessible as I'm becoming known as the girl who's too high maintenance and too much hard work (even though I quite like that title). 

I feel like I am stuck in the lobster days, where he would ignore me or say I was bugging him by calling for a chat that I am now the total opposite. 

My experience with him has made me quite reserved, whereas I should be more open towards people. 

As my friend and fellow blogger @27Single told me "If you made yourself any more unavailable you wouldn't exist".

Officially Moved On

I've done it... I have actually gone and done it. No, not sex. But I have officially moved on. 

My worse fear for the last few months has been knowing that I will run into the Lobster at some point. It was bound to happen, we share the same best friends. My fear was that I would see him and wouldn't be able to control my emotions, the anger, hurt, pain and upset would all explode into some mighty firework. 

After therapy and self healing, I am now the happiest I have been in years. I was scared that if I saw him he would take this away and I'd be back to square one.  

Anyhow. Whilst out with friends Sunday, chatting away when my friends face dropped 'OMG... He's here! OMG she's here too... He's bought married girl out with him' 

Immediately we headed to the bar, keeping my back to them the whole time. 

And the weird thing about it... I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. This still freaks me out a bit, I keep thinking I'm going to have some emotional break down but I honestly think I am over him. 

Now I'm going to sound a right bitch here, I know it's not the girls fault (even if I do call her the married whore now and then) and I'm a great believer that women should stick together... BUT she's a massive downgrade from me, which does make me feel a bit better about the situation. 

He was always punching above his weight with me anyway.

It felt great to have his friends telling me how good I looked and twirling me around the dance floor infront of him. 

Safe to say I owned the situation whilst keeping it classy and dignified. 

Have fun waiting for your girlfriends divorce to come through while I'm being taken out on dates with rich Greek guy... Blog post on him to follow. xoxoxo 

Men.... Some Big Tinder No's

Admittedly I am new to the Tinder game, but already I have seen some huge no-no's. Some make me want to vomit in my mouth... here they are; 

1. - Selfies

NO NO NO! Boys... there is nothing cool about taking a picture of yourself in the mirror. Even worse if you have your top off. 

2. - Vests

Sorry, but I find boy's in vest's a huge turn off. I don't care if it's a holiday photo. Just don't do it. 

3. - Modelling Shots / Gym Pics

Even worse than the selfie... You just look like a cunt. 

4. - Your Name

I know it's not your fault and you had no say on what your parents named you, but if I don't like your name or can't imagine screaming it out in bed, I WILL swipe left. 

5. - Pictures with ex girlfriend / group of girls

Get over it. You are not Simon Cowell with your harem of girls around you. 

I Am Officially 'Dating'

So off I went on my date last week, a little nervous, and although I didn't really fancy him I had a lovely evening. 

He picked me up in a cab, held doors open and paid for everything. 

There were a few hiccups, he mentioned his ex in passing a few times, told me some things about his past I'd rather not know, and kept mentioning how skint  he was (sure way to make me feel awkward when the bill arrived) but to be honest because I wasn't that into him I was just enjoying the free dinner and cocktails. 

He want's to go out again, and has suggested some nice places so I am tempted to go just because I do like the place he suggested... Would that be leading him on?

Probably. But oh well. 

I also reluctantly downloaded Tinder after my friend convinced me, I'm not into casual hook-up's or one night stands so was a bit apprehensive as I have heard a few stories and assume that's all people go on there for... But I would say it's a huge confidence boost.

I have been talking to a few guys that seem 'decent' and have even swapped numbers with one. 

After so much upset the last year, I think its time I got back out there, even if it just to be wined and dined. 

As my younger, prettier and sometimes wiser sister told me 'At your age, you shouldn't waste time or settle for anyone, unless you can see yourself marrying them'

So I can now say I am officially dating until I find the one.... Because I'm not going to find him sitting at home watching Eastender's now am I? 

I Have A Date... A REAL LIFE DATE.

How can so much change within the space of a week?

I admit, I spent most of the day last Thursday crying when my worse fear's were confirmed that the lobster was seeing a married girl. Crying on the train to work, crying at my desk, crying on my lunch break. I didn't even pretend to hide it in the end. 

However, I feel it was for the best, I needed to cry the remainder of my feelings for him out, as by Friday I was a changed woman (I am not bi-polar. I swear) and ready to move on. 

Whilst out for city drinks Friday my friend convinced me to get Tinder, I have previously been dead against it but after playing around with it and getting quite a few matches, I'll say it is a confidence booster more than anything else. The conversation on there has been pretty dry. But whilst out, I began to look at men a little differently, as in checking them out which is so not me! 

Moving on to Saturday, I had my Godson's birthday and come early evening when the kids had all left / gone to bed the adults can begin to get tipsy and not get judged.

Some of us moved on the pub where my good friend informed me his friend likes me... I don't take compliments well and was unsure but with a little peer pressure from my friends we spoke throughout the night, swapped numbers and have been texting.... and the best bit.

I HAVE A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT. 

So far I have only heard good things about him, he seems nice, texts everyday and sends the first text and wants to take me out. The Lobster never done anything nice for me.... (I think it will be a while till I stop making comparisons) 

I am not sure if I really fancy him yet, but I am giving it a chance, which I never normally do. 

I am officially on my way to moving on and feeling positive about it. 

Now.... What to wear???? 

Can You Really Have It All?

Call me greedy, but I want it all, I do. 

The perfect job, the amazing house, the wonderful husband, beautiful children, great friends, good body... the list goes on. 

Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky. I have amazing parents that still shelter and feed me for a small monthly fee, amazing friends, I have had a very successful week at work and am also currently being interviewed for some pretty good jobs roles too as I am looking to move on soon, and I am happy with my body, there's a few things I could change here and there but overall I'm confident to get naked in front of most people. 

However, there is still that one thing missing.... my love life. 

I am not an unhappy single, but I am still hung up on the Lobster. Even though he is a big knob head.... with no knob. 

In a previous post I explained how I was feeling after learning he is seeing someone, and it has been playing on my mind ever since, even more so since I discovered the girl is married. 

Yup, that's right. MARRIED!! 

He is seeing a married woman! 

I am a social media stalker, I saw the photos of her in her wedding dress only a few months ago.

WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK. 

I don't know the situation well enough to judge but still.... Call me old fashioned but for me, thats the dream, to get married, have babies, make a home. 

I understand its not for everyone and sometimes these things don't work out... But thats my Lobster :( 

I am a bag of mixed emotions and contradictions at the moment. 

I need to keep on remembering him for the arsehole he is and all the bad times. 

It just seems when one area of your life is going fucking fantastic, other parts can be terribly shitty. 

So can we really have it all or is it just a wonder woman myth? 

Is it too much to ask for the fairy tale?

You Get What You Expect...

In one of our many over-analysing conversations a friend of mine said "You only get what you expect" and I think she may have a point. 

If I think back, after learning I was never going to get what I wanted from the Lobster I regretfully and now embarrassingly accepted his behaviour as normal, therefore not expecting much thus not receiving much. 

It's a mad old theory, but I think there may be method in the madness. 

If you don't expect him to text back he probably wont. 

If you don't expect him to take you out and treat you with respect he probably wont. 

If you don't expect much he will give you as little as possible. 

So expect the world and if he refuses to give you this... Walk away. 

You may be left disappointed but at least you'll have your dignity. 

Know your worth and don't let anyone treat you less. 

Lessons from the Lodger

Recently we have had one of my Mother's relatives move into the spare room (Yes, I do still live at home with my parents at the age of 25. The shame) 

Well... I thought my love life was bad, but she makes me feel better about myself. 

In her 50's she spends the majority of her spare time on dating sites, chasing exes and starting new hobbies that never fully develop. 

All the men she meets are creeps, you can tell from the offset, although her crazy ways do scare them off (I admit I can be obsessive but if it's a family trait that gets worse with age then god.help.me) 

They're all after one thing. She recently met up with one of her exes and they had sex. In a field. When she came home with muddy boots I told her theres a word for that... Dogging. 

'He may look like an old git, but he makes up for it in other ways. He has more stamina than an 18 year old boy' she informs me. 

This evening I came home to a note saying she has gone to visit another ex for the weekend. He don't want to know her one minute but as soon as he clicks his fingers she goes running. 

I feel like the more mature adult in the situation. When I was upset recently she was very sympathetic but it's the type of advice I would take with a pinch of salt.

If you can't learn from your own mistakes, at least learn from other peoples.